


Terrible Things

by FallingRose



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Daddy!Arthur, Fluff and Angst, I'm so sorry, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Songfic, This is really sad, all the feels, baby Pendragon, based on Mayday Parade song, called Terrible Things, papa!Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingRose/pseuds/FallingRose
Summary: A Merthur fic based off of "Terrible Things" by Mayday Paradeor a sad cancer fic where Arthur remembers his times with Merlin





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off the song "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade. It's super pretty and super sad and you should listen to it. 
> 
> Link to song is here:
> 
> https://youtu.be/NnPKBwO4-P8
> 
> Some dialog from the first episode of Merlin is used for Arthur and Merlin's first meeting. 
> 
> Italics = the past. What Arthur is remembering
> 
> Comments and Kudos are much appreciated

Arthur Pendragon was sitting on his couch in his apartment, a glass of whiskey next to him as he looks around his flat that was filled with memories that he simultaneously wanted to forget and never forget at the same time. At that moment, a loud wail penetrated the air. Arthur started at the sound as it tore him from his thoughts. He eased himself from the couch and headed to the room at the end of the hall.

“Shh, it’s ok, Daddy’s here,” Arthur said, picking up his one-year-old baby boy. “Daddy’s here Thomas.” 

When Thomas started to calm down, Arthur walked back to the living room, bouncing his son gently. He sat down on the couch and perched Thomas on his lap. Thomas sleepily giggled, causing Arthur to smile slightly. Thomas had Arthur’s golden skin and blonde hair, but Merlin’s deep blue eyes and big ears. He was perfect. Thomas started to wiggle on his lap.

“Papa! Papa!” Thomas said, looking around. Arthur’s heart broke a little more. 

“Papa’s not here, Thomas,” he murmured quietly. Arthur securely held Thomas with one arm and reached for a battered photo album with the other. He set the album in front of Thomas and himself. The picture on the cover showed Merlin standing in front of an old ruin of a castle, with Arthur standing behind him with his arms around Merlin, kissing his cheek. Merlin had a big grin on his face that stretched from one big ear to the other. They looked so comfortable and so in love. 

**_By the time I was your age_ **

**_I’d do anything_ **

**_To fall in love truly_ **

**_Was all I could think_ **

**_That’s when I met your mother;_ **

**_The girl of my dreams_ **

**_The most beautiful woman that I’d ever seen_ **

“Your Papa was the most beautiful person I have ever met, Thomas,” Arthur said, fondly remembering how they met and got together. 

_ It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon at uni, and Arthur was outside with some of his groupies. He had quite a few, which was to be expected. His father was a very important man, and very rich to boot, so many people tried to follow him around and get in his good graces in hopes for something in return. Or to get in his pants.  _

_ Anyways there was a small man- Morris if his memory served him correctly- that was going on an afternoon jog. Now Arthur had a bad-boy reputation to keep, and so even though Morris was doing nothing wrong, Arthur decided to show off for a bit. _

_ “Hey, you- Morris!” Morris stopped and turned toward Arthur with something akin to dread.  _

_ “Y-yes?” He stuttered. _

_ “Can you run any faster? You really are quite slow,” Arthur said. His “friends” sniggered behind him. Morris turned a deep shade of red.  _

_ “I’m jogging, not r-running a marathon, Pendragon” Morris spat out. The people behind him grew silent, and Arthur raised his eyebrows.  _

_ Arthur muttered behind him, “This’ll teach him.”  _

_ He started to advance towards Morris, taunting him along the way. "If you think you’re so fast, dodge this!” _

_ He threw an apple at Morris. Morris barely managed to dodge, then kept running as Arthur threw two more apples at him. _

_ “Hey, come on, that’s enough,” A voice interrupted him. He turned towards the source of the voice. He was momentarily caught off guard because the person before him was absolutely gorgeous. Pale alabaster skin, silky raven locks, a long neck, long fingers, tall, big ears, and cheekbones that could cut glass. He was stunning. What made Arthur’s breath catch in his throat, however, was his eyes. A deep blue, like the ocean after a storm. They were kind, friendly eyes, but had passion and steel in them. _

_ Arthur quickly chastised himself for thinking such things. He can’t ever let anyone know he “played for the other team.” His image would be destroyed, and he would probably be disowned. His father would never look at him again. _

_ “What?” He said, snapping himself out of his reverie.  _

_ “You’ve had your fun, my friend,” the boy said.  _

_ “Do I know you?” Arthur asked the strange boy. The boy’s face scrunched in confusion for a moment- which Arthur did not find adorable, he didn't  _ **_not_ ** _ \- before reaching his hand out for a shake. _

_ “Er, I’m Merlin.” _

_ “So I don’t know you,” Arthur said, not taking Merlin’s hand. Merlin dropped his hand, and his eyes visibly hardened.  _

_ “No,” he replied.  _

_ “Yet you called me ‘friend,” Arthur said, because this boy was so beautiful, it was getting under his skin.  _

_ “That was my mistake,” Merlin said, making a face. _

_ Arthur smirked and answered, “Yes, I think so.” _

_ “Yeah. I’d never have a friend who could be such an ass,” Merlin said with a perfectly straight face, before turning and walking away. Arthur was again caught off guard. Who the  _ hell  _ did this guy think he was? _

_ Arthur scoffed and said, “Or I one who could be so stupid.” _

_ Merlin stopped walking. Arthur continued to taunt Merlin, and in the end, there was a small scuffle which ended with Merlin on the ground. After that, they couldn’t stand each other. Every encounter was filled with sarcasm and insults. Arthur would call him an idiot, and Merlin would think up insults such as “Clotpole", and “ Cabbage head."  _

_ Over time, Merlin started to grow on him, in an annoying, endearing sort of way. It wasn’t until Merlin pushed him out of the way of a speeding car, and ended up in the hospital for two days did Arthur consider him a friend. The year went on, and Merlin and Arthur grew closer and closer. It baffled everyone how popular, perfect, rich, Adonis-like Arthur Pendragon and poor, nobody, gay, quirky Merlin became the closest friends anyone had ever seen. Though most people weren’t complaining. Merlin changed Arthur and definitely for the better. Gone was the facade of a cruel, arrogant playboy, and in its place was a more mature, caring person who started to not care about the expectations his father had for him as much. _

_ When another boy named Gwaine started to hit on Merlin, Arthur came to the startling realisation that he was in love with Merlin. From then on, their relationship changed. Friendly pats on the shoulder lingered a few seconds too long, unnecessary eye contact was made all the time, and the time they spent together was increased. It got to the point where the whole school was making bets on when they would grow a pair and get together.  _

_ Arthur’s eyes automatically searched for Merlin, and he would stare at him and marvel about how beautiful the boy was.  _

_ One day, a nervous-looking Merlin approached Arthur. _

_ “Can I tell you a wonderful thing?”  _

_ Arthur stared at him and nodded. _

_ “I can’t help but notice you staring at me. I know I probably shouldn’t say this, but I believe this with all my heart. I can tell by your eyes that you’re in love with me.”  _

_ They stared at each other for approximately five seconds before Arthur surged forward and kissed him. _

_ The entire school started cheering, but they were so lost in each other they didn’t notice. _

**_She said “boy can I tell you_ **

**_A wonderful thing?_ **

**_I can’t help but notice_ **

**_You staring at me_ **

**_“I know I shouldn’t say this_ **

**_But I really believe_ **

**_I can tell by your eyes_ **

**_That you’re in love_ **

**_With me”_ **

Arthur cuddled his son closer and smiled a watery smile. He flipped the photo album open and stared at the pictures in it. There was a picture of Merlin and Arthur on a blanket, cuddling under the stars that Morgana took. Another one of him and Merlin kissing at a pub, a bit drunk. Them holding hands down the street. 

“He loved the stars, Thomas. We’d go out and stare at them and talk about anything and everything.”

_ Merlin and Arthur were in heaven. They had an amazing day celebrating their one year anniversary. They had breakfast in bed, watched their favorite movies, made love many times, and had gone out for a romantic dinner. Arthur had one last surprise for Merlin. _

_ “Arrthuur, can’t you tell me where we’re going?” Merlin whined. Arthur chuckled at Merlin. _

_ “Patience Love. We’ll be there soon.” _

_ “Arthur, why can’t you tell me  _ now _?” Merlin said, trying to get Arthur to look him in the eyes. Arthur refused to look him at him _

_ “Don’t give me puppy dog eyes while I’m driving Merlin.” _

_ Finally, Arthur turned the car into the park.  _

_ “What are we doing at the park at ten o'clock at night?” Merlin asked. _

_ Arthr just grabbed a blanket, and a case of beers, and smiled fondly as Merlin’s eyes lit up. They loved doing this. Going somewhere to watch the stars. He grabbed Merlin’s hand and pulled him to an empty section of grass. Arthur laid out they blanket, and popped open two beers, handing one to Merlin. Merlin flopped on the blanket then reached up a hand and pulled Arthur down with him.  _

_ “This is perfect, Arthur, thank you,” Merlin said quietly. _

_ “Of course Love,” Arthur said, pulling Merlin to his side. Merlin cuddled up to him and laid his head on Arthur’s chest. They both stared up at the stars for awhile in comfortable silence.  _

_ “The stars are especially beautiful tonight,” Merlin murmured.  _

_ Arthur turned to stare at Merlin, wondering at how the moonlight illuminated his face and cheekbones. _

_ “Yeah... beautiful,” he breathed. _

_ Merlin turned to look him in the eyes. _

_ “I love you, my prince,” he said. Arthur’s heart swelled, just like it always did when Merlin said it. _

_ “I love you too. So much,” Arthur replied. _

**_Now most of the time_ **

**_We’d had too much to drink_ **

**_We’d laugh at the stars_ **

**_And we’d share everything_ **

“I loved him so much, Thomas. We both took for granted the precious time we had. If I could go back, I would tell him I loved him more often. I would stop each fight because if I knew how much limited time we had, I would have done things differently. We wasted so much time fighting over dumb things. We didn’t realise how precious time is. We were too young to notice and too dumb to care. When you’re older, remember this, because love is a story that can’t compare to anything else, so don’t waste time. Tell the person you will marry how much you love them every day Thomas,” Arthur said, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

**_Too Young to notice_ **

**_And Too dumb to care_ **

**_Love was a story_ **

**_That couldn’t compare_ **

Arthur flipped to about the middle of the book. There was a picture that took up a whole page. There was a Christmas tree in the background, and their friends could be seen piled on a couch. In the center was Arthur and Merlin. Arthur was on his knee, a small ring box in his hand, and Merlin was standing up with tears in his eyes, a hand over his mouth, and a look of complete joy on his face. 

_ Lance and Gwen were throwing a small Christmas party at their place. Merlin adored Christmas, so of course agreed to go. He talked nonstop about it: the lights, the trees, the gifts, the food, the music, the cheerful demeanor. Arthur just nodded along, not really listening. His hand was in his pocket, fiddling with the black box that he bought a little less than a month ago. He knew he wanted to ask Merlin around Christmas since it was Merlin’s favorite time of the year, but he didn’t know exactly when. Because of this, Arthur’s taken to carrying around the ring with him. Then they got this invitation to Lance and Gwen’s annual Christmas party and he just knew that that was when he wanted to propose.  _

_ That was the reason why Arthur was so quiet because this is what he wanted more than anything, but there was a small part of him that was going, “What if he says no?” So Merlin talked excitedly as he drove, and Arthur made the occasional agreeing noise and nodded his head, but was really planning what he was going to say when. _

_ After what felt like ages yet seconds, they arrived at the Du Lac’s house. Arthur grabbed their presents as Merlin bound happily to the door. Arthur smiled fondly at his childlike excitement. After a moment, a heavily pregnant Gwen opened the door. _

_ “Merlin! Arthur! I’m so glad you could make it!” She said happily, resting a hand on her swollen belly. Lance joined his wife at the door and hugged Merlin and Arthur. _

_ “Good to see you mates,” he said as he put an arm around Gwen. _

_ “Come on in; it’s freezing out, and everyone else is here,” Gwen said. They entered the room and everyone cheered as they saw them.  _

_ “Now we can open presents now that Merlin and the Princess are here!” Gwaine shouted. Percival rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. They all squeezed in with the couples sitting together. Lance and Gwen sat on the couch, as well as Percival. Gwaine sat himself on Percy’s lap, much to everyone’s amusement. Leon sat on the armchair by the fireplace and Morgana perched herself on the arm of it. Mithian and Elena sat on the floor with Elena’s head on Mithian's shoulder. Will and Freya were sitting on the arms of the couch. Elyan pulled up a chair from the kitchen for himself, and Arthur sat on the rocking chair and pulled Merlin onto his lap.  _

_ “Presents!” Gwaine and Merlin shouted at the same time. Everyone laughed.  _

_ Arthur cleared his throat and said, “I’d like to give my gift to Merlin now if that’s ok.” He nudged Merlin off his lap and towards the middle of the room. His stomach was twisting and turning and it felt like hundreds of butterflies were flying around in it. His heart was beating fast, and he had never been more nervous in his life. Arthur fumbled around in his coat pocket for the small box, now covered in paper and string. He located it and nervously handed it to Merlin.  _

_ Merlin, who was very confused as to why he was in the middle of the room, opened the tiny package with care. He gasped as the last of the red paper fell away, and the small black box was revealed.  _

_ “Arthur, wha-” _

_ Arthur gently took the box from him and got down on one knee. Gasps were heard from all around the room. Arthur stared up into Merlin’s beautiful blue eyes. _

_ “Merlin Emrys, can I tell you a wonderful thing?” Merlin smiled at what had become their phrase. “We’ve been together for five years now, and I can honestly say they’ve been the best five years of my life.” He faintly heard a camera snap behind him. “You know I’m not very good with words; I’m more of an action sort of guy. But you know that I love you, so will you marry me?” Arthur finished, staring up at Merlin. Mentally, he was a mess. He knew he sounded awkward and the words were a bit rushed, and the fact that Merlin was standing there with his hand over his mouth made him nervous. Oh god what if he sa- _

_ “Yes! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” Merlin shouted launching himself into Arthur’s arms. Arthur kissed Merlin passionately in elation, and this kiss was long perfect, and he had never felt so happy. They finally broke the kiss, and Arthur slipped the elegant ring on Merlin’s finger. It was a silver band with leaves ingrained in it and a small sapphire in the middle. Arthur placed a small kiss on Merlin’s lips, then his nose before wiping away the tears from Merlin’s eyes. Neither of them could stop smiling. _

_ Behind them, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Leon, Lancelot, Elena, Will, and Morgana were cheering and clapping, Gwen and Freya were crying, and Mithian was smiling at the pair. It was definitely the best and most memorable Christmas ever. _

**_I said, “Girl can I tell you_ **

**_A wonderful thing?_ **

**_I made you a present_ **

**_Of paper and string_ **

**_“Open with care now_ **

**_I’m asking you please_ **

**_You know that I love you_ **

**_Will you marry me?”_ **

Arthur flipped forward another page to their wedding. It showed them at the altar saying their vows, kissing dancing, cake, friends family, and many more pictures of a night of happiness and love. Arthur twisted the wedding ring on his finger. They had gotten simple silver bands, but on the inside of Arthur’s it said, “I love you Prat” and on the inside of Merlin’s it said, “I love you, Idiot.” 

Two years later, one year ago, Thomas came along. He was both Arthur and Merlin’s pride and joy, and he was loved beyond compare.

He looked down at his innocent baby in his lap.

“Someday you’ll learn Thomas. The wonderfulness of love, but the pain of it too. Because life can do terrible things. Though I hope and pray that God shows you differently.”

**_Now son I’m only_ **

**_Telling you this_ **

**_Because life can do_ **

**_Terrible Things_ **

**_You’ll learn one day_ **

**_I’ll hope and I’ll pray_ **

**_That God_ **

**_Shows you differently_ **

_ Merlin kept getting sick and wasn’t getting better. He kept coughing and felt pain in his chest that wasn’t going away. He sounded hoarse, wheezed, and was short of breath a lot. It was when all but stopped eating and had lost a lot of weight that Arthur forced him to go to the doctors. Arthur had Lance and Gwen watch Thomas while he took Merlin to the doctors. He was forced to wait in the waiting room while Merlin was tested for God-knows-what.  _

_ Two hours later, Merlin came back with Doctor Gaius who was talking to him quietly. Merlin looked pale and scared, and that scared Arthur more than anything. Merlin walked over to Arthur, who immediately enveloped him into a hug. _

_ “What’s wrong?” _

_ Merlin pulled back and looked him in the eyes.  _

_ “I need to tell you a terrible thing. I’m sick, and the Doctor says I only have a month or two at most. It’s leukemia, Arthur.” _

_ Arthur felt like he had to throw up. They traveled home in complete silence, and when they picked up Thomas, Merlin held him tightly to his chest as if he never wanted to let go. They got home and tucked him in together. Finally, they crawled into bed. Arthur spooned Merlin tight in his arms, breathing in his scent. _

_ “I’m scared Arthur,” Merlin said, words muffled by the pillow. Arthur closed his eyes and let the tears he’s been holding back fall, because Merlin never  _ ever  _ admitted that he was scared.  _

_ “Me too, Sweetheart, me too.” _

_ That night they made love passionately as Arthur tried to remember every detail of Merlin. His body, his smell, his voice, the little mewls he makes when he twists his hips just right, the faces he makes. Later when Merlin was asleep, Arthur held him tight and let himself cry. _

_ The next few weeks were a blur of Merlin’s chemo and taking care of him. Arthur bought him a beanie when his hair fell out. He tried to get him to eat some food. He rubbed his back in the bathroom at 4 in the morning when he had to puke. He kissed him every day, even more than usual. He had Thomas, Merlin, and himself spend a lot of time together. He took him out to see the stars, just like when they were teenagers.  _

_ But then Merlin kept getting weaker and worse, and Arthur was slowly panicking and dying a little on the inside. He and Merlin got in fights, and then Arthur would cuddle him on the bed and cry and whisper “I’m so sorry. I love you so much. So sorry. I’m sorry” into his skin. At night Arthur would hold Merlin and wish for the time when they were happy and there was no cancer. Just Arthur, Merlin, and Thomas. It felt like centuries ago.  _

_ Then one day Merlin’s condition plummeted. He was rushed to the ER and Arthur paced the waiting room for hours, clutching Thomas to his chest. All his friends were in the chairs giving him comforting words. Gwen tried to take Thomas from him, but he held him tighter and snapped at her.  _

_ Because  _ oh god _ what if Merlin died? He didn’t realise he was crying until Morgana walked up to him and put her arms around Arthur without disturbing a sleeping Thomas, and let her brother cry violent, ugly animal-sounding sobs into her shoulder. He cried and blubbered at her and she rubbed his back and shushed him soothingly.  _

_ Two hours later Doctor Gaius came in with a somber expression. _

_ “We did the best we could, but I’m afraid it wasn’t enough. He doesn’t have long. I’m sorry.”  _

_ Behind him Gwen let out a sob, but Arthur felt numb. He followed Gaius to Merlin’s room and nearly wavered at the sight of his pale body. Merlin was taking shallow breaths that were barely there.  _

_ Arthur collapsed into the chair next to the hospital bed. Merlin opened his eyes and weakly turned his head towards Arthur. _

_ “Hey you,” he rasped.  _

_ “Hey,” Arthur whispered, taking his hand and rubbing his thumb over the bony knuckles there gently. There was so much he wanted to say, but he couldn’t get any words out. Merlin reached with his other hand and stroked Thomas’s cheek. _

_ Suddenly Arthur started crying and couldn’t stop. _

_ “I love you so much, Merlin. P-Please don’t go. I don’t want you to go; I don’t know what I will do without you. I can’t raise Thomas by myself, he deserves to know his Pappa. And I c-can’t go through this life without you! I don’t want a life without you in it!” His voice wavered as he sobbed.  _

_ Merlin reached up and wiped the tears off of Arthur’s face and kept his hand on Arthur's cheek. _

_ “Hey, please don’t be sad now. I can die... h-happy,” Merlin said, each breath becoming harder to get out. “Y-You and T-Thomas... were the greatest things that… that ever happened to m...m...me,” He drew in one last shaky breath, and then his hand fell limp from Arthur’s face. Arthur’s mind went completely blank as alarms started going off in the room. _

_ “M-Merlin? Sweetheart? Merlin? Merlin! No! Come back please come back, Merlin no!” Hands forced him out of the room, and he fought them with every ounce of strength he had. Thomas at this point had woken up at the commotion and was screaming loudly.  _

**_She said “Boy can I tell you_ **

**_A terrible thing?_ **

**_It seems that I’m sick_ **

**_And I’ve only got weeks_ **

**_“Please don’t be sad now_ **

**_I really believe_ **

**_You were the greatest_ **

**_Thing that ever happened_ **

**_To me.”_ **

_ Outside the room where Merlin was dying, Arthur fell to his knees, screaming and crying. Suddenly there were arms around him, gently taking Thomas away, then hugging Arthur and rocking him back and forth.  _

_ “He’s gone, Gana, he’s not coming back,” Arthur cried into his sister’s chest. Morgana ran a hand threw his hair and rested her head on his, even as her own tears fell into his gold hair. Behind them, Gwen was sobbing into Lance’s chest, Percival held Thomas as tears streamed down his face, and everyone else was sobbing. _

_ Arthur let out a small scream that sounded more animal than man because how was he going to survive in this now cruel and dark Merlin-less world? _

**_Slow, so slow_ **

**_I fell to the ground_ **

**_On my knees_ **

Arthur was crying at this point, hugging Thomas to his chest as the pain of last week hit him like a brick all over again. Having the funeral today made the pain hurt even more, and the gaping whole in his chest feel even wider. 

“Thomas, I wish your Papa was here. I wish you could grow up with him. Don’t fall in love Thomas, there’s too much to lose. If you have a choice, walk away from that attraction, don’t let that person get you. I couldn’t bear to see the same thing happen to you,” Arthur cried. He knew he didn’t mean it. Arthur wanted Thomas to find a husband or wife of his own someday and create a family of his own.

But right now, being alone in their- his- house with memories of Merlin all over the place, but Merlin being so obviously absent made him feel like things were never getting better. Arthur didn’t want to live in a world without Merlin. A world without Merlin was worse than hell. But he knows that he will have some joy in Thomas. Thomas who he loves so much. Thomas who will have Merlin living inside of him. He has to be strong for Thomas because he will need his Dad. He will not become his father, even if he now understood what he felt like.

**_So don’t fall in love_ **

**_There’s just too much_ **

**_To lose_ **

**_If given the choice_ **

**_I’m begging you,_ **

**_Choose to walk away_ **

**_Walk away_ **

**_Don’t let her get you_ **

**_I can’t bear to see_ **

**_The same happen_ **

**_To you_ **

Arthur pressed his lips to his son’s blonde head and looked into his eyes that were identical to his beloved Merlin.

“Now son, I’m only telling you this because life can do terrible things.”

**_Now son_ **

**_I’m only telling you this_ **

**_Because life_ **

**_Can do terrible things_ **


End file.
